This Major Vulnerability Could Fill Your Computer with Bees (Seriously)
Category
Vulnerabilities, Cybersecurity Fundamentals
Risk Level
This ACT post was published on April 1, 2025
Hackers have found a new loophole in your computer configuration settings in order to harvest your honeypot of data and potentially close your business for good. They’re doing it with bees.
“How could bees get in my computer?”
Bees are actually already in every desktop computer built after the mid 2000’s, but at a microscopic level. This breed of Apis Arithmeticam was specially bred to carry out basic computations in the CPU once renowned computer engineer, Beatrice Wingenbach, discovered the only way to go smaller was biologically. This is how Hive Systems was born - to help manage and protect these tiny technological marvels.
“So what’s the issue?”
Many failsafes are included to prevent the size of the hive from ever exceeding an 18.4 quintillion bee cap (for 64 bit processors). Initially, hackers tried increasing this cap by downloading more RAM to unsuspecting victims’ hard drives. This yielded unthreatening results as billions more microscopic bees were still of little to no threat with such small stingers. Since then, hackers have discovered how to remove the queen’s genetic inhibitor that regulates the bees microscopic size when reproducing, enabling rapid hive growth that could lead to a swarm forming overnight, as this one person discovered.
“This is all wild, but are bees also being used for AI?”
Glad you asked. In what scientists are calling “SwarmGPT,” artificial intelligence models are now being trained on bee behavior to enhance distributed decision-making and cyber defense response times. Instead of waiting for centralized alerts, AI-infused hives autonomously evaluate threats and deploy countermeasures - like sending a literal swarm to the datacenter intruder. Early results are promising: one AI-bee hybrid successfully identified a phishing email, performed a waggle dance in binary, and then built a honeycomb-shaped firewall around the affected system. As a bonus, the server now produces honey during low-traffic hours.
“Ok so wait, are bees helping quantum computers too?”
You bet they are. Researchers at the Beeware Institute of Quantum Computing (BIQC) recently announced a breakthrough in what they call “pollination-based computation.” Unlike traditional quantum bits, or qubits, which rely on delicate states of subatomic particles, BIQC’s approach uses live bees to generate probabilistic waveforms by vibrating their wings at entangled frequencies. This means each hive now has the computational power of a thousand Schrödinger cats, but with better work ethic. One downside? If you open the case to check on the bees mid-process, you’ll not only collapse the wavefunction—you’ll get stung. Repeatedly.
“What Can I Do About it?”
Unfortunately, not much. Genetic therapy is beyond the average user’s level of computer savviness, so you’ll just have to wait and see. In the event that your computer begins to fill with bees as a result of a bee-ffer overflow attack, consider calling a beekeeper to have them removed safely. In the meantime, consider subscribing to the ACT Digest, following us on social media, or installing our aprilfools.exe patch to instantly remediate the problem.
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